Q & A session with HH Sri Ganapathy Sachchidananda Swamiji – November 13, 2016 – Mysore
Compiled by Bala Aati
Question :
Why are couples divorcing in India ? These were not there in India earlier. In fact, for the last 10 years we see far too many cases. In olden days marriages went through. They were not the happiest of marriages, they were not the most successful marriages, but it went through in India. What has happened to our Indian society ? The west has influenced us in number of ways. Is this also an influence from western world ? Can Swamiji through light on this and an advice to youngsters and today’s married couples ? How to conduct themselves because the sanctity of marriages is still maintained in India. We do not know about other countries but in India marriage is still a sacred institution.
Answer :
Good question. We see for the last 10 years that marriages are not lasting. Divorce cases have increased. Why ? Is there western influence on us was the question. May be yes. In our tradition, they say Dharmecha, Ardhecha, Kamecha, Mokshecha. We also say Naaticharami. Which means that in Dharma, in Ardha, in Kama, in Moksha we stand together is the promise they make during wedding with the sacred fire as witness. In our tradition, we are afraid of Dharma. Dharma is our God. God is Dharma. We are afraid of Guru also. Matching horoscopes of the boy and the girl is another system in us. While tieing the knot also, they say Maangalyam Tantuna nena, mama jeevana hetuna.. that also is our dharma. Both commit to each other and promise each other. Westerners do not have this system. They just exchange rings. Here, we have 3 categories of Rakshasa gana, Daiva Gana and Manushya gana. Some get married in Gaandharva way. Those are love marriages. There is another method accepted by Dharma. Guru fixes it. Sect and Gotra should match. Horoscope should match. These all are restricted by Dharma. Hindus & Indians are controlled by dharma. Once, the earth was un-divided. Thats why we say Rama has gone there, Krishna has gone to such and such place etc. Our kings went to Cambodia. We find our culture there. Later, due to natural disasters, earth was divided. Our land is called Deva bhoomi and Karma bhoomi. We have to follow our customs. Thats why before marriage the boy and girl have to speak to each other. Know each other’s opinions. Understand each other. Unlike earlier, they both can speak these days. In olden days, this system wasn’t there. The boy and girl used to see each other for the first time only after a certain ritual in the wedding is completed. They see each other only after a ritual called Jeelakarra Bellam ( placing a paste of cumin seeds and jaggery on each other’s heads. This slightly bitter cumin and sweet jaggery when ground together turn into an inseparable mixture. The custom signifies that bride and groom are supposed to become inseparable through life’s bitter and sweet times.) Till such time, they were not allowed to see or talk to each other. However ugly they look, they are committed to each other. Because they feel, their parents, their dharma, their God, their caste, their Gotra, their horoscope are important than two of them. Such was the bonding they had. They were the best of the children. Later, people turned out to be bad. I’m not talking about them here. If someone asks a question about that, will answer to it at that point of time.
The relationships were stronger then. Westerners do not have this system. Marriage is just a body-body relationship for them. It was not related to mind. Hence, we see foreigners change their wives. They introduce their children as first husband’s son, second wife’s daughter and so on. Imagine the situation of the second husband standing there when his wife introduces her first husband’s child. Even that man introduces his first wife’s child. This first wife’s child and the second husband’s child gets married. Is that an alliance ? They hold brother-sister relationship. They dont bother for all this. I’m not scolding them. I’m just explaining their life style. That is their culture. Look at our culture. Husband and wife remain the same till their death. For us, the couple appear as Lakshmi and Narayana, Shiva and Parvathi. Now a days, it appears as though the western culture has spread to us. In our culture, wife and husband do quarrel. I wouldn’t deny that. For years together they don’t talk to each other, yet they live in the same house. They don’t get divorced. Our people feel guilty of dharma as they promised during their wedding. Even if they do not have children, either they adopt or take medical assistance but did not get divorced. These days, couple are highly educated. They don’t care for their parents. They are under western influence. They are over independant. They don’t understand the sanctity of marriage. So, they are not scared of Dharma. If they are afraid of dharma, they will definetely follow it. Those who are scared of God will follow our culture, remain healthy and uses this relationship to attain salvation. Its ok if you dont get married but after getting married, it should not become a play. If on the first or second day, if its found that the husband is wicked, they leave them and stay seperately but some don’t get divorced even then. Some don’t even get married. They remain as is. If the spouse is very wicked, hits you or beats you, to protect yourself and to protect your swadharma, you have the rights to get divorced as per dharma. That is the only exemption you have. Which woman wants to spoil her beauty of having Mangalsutra or wear kumkum as an indication of a married lady ? No one does that. This is our sampradaya. There are women who does not bother even if their husband is alchoholic. Reason – fear towards dharma. Whoever is scared of dharma will follow their traditions. Those who don’t value dharma will not follow it. That is why I suggest the boys and the girls to open up their hearts and speak to each other either on skype or on phone. There is no use of speaking after everything is over. Now a days people wants to be independant. They want to live alone. If that is the case, why should you get married ? You must think about it before marriage. Once you get married, you have no right to say that. Or, both husband and wife talk to each other, decide and stay alone in a nice way in the same house. You get married, produce children and then say I want to live alone. That is not right. Leave that animal nature. You do not have rights to say that. If you want to stay alone, live like Rama Krishna Paramahamsa and Sarada Mata. They both lived alone yet stayed as husband and wife. That’s just one example I’m giving. Many people are there who lived this way. Even today we can see such people. There are many such in my devotees who stay in the same house and yet they are celebate. They say, we don’t want to have children. We will stay like this and serve Swamiji. Many people are there without any physical relationship. They live together yet live alone. They live in the same house and eat in the same plate. They are very happy. Understanding is very important.
Question :
For the past 4-5 years, why is that Swamiji sometimes during the speeches say, this may or may not be there next year, I may or man not see next time, do it when I’m still here and so on. We feel very bad after going home. We feel we are troubling you and hence Swamiji is speaking like this. For us, to hear anything negative from you is very difficult. Why do you say such things Swamiji ? We requst you not to speak such things.
Answer :
This question is out of love. Very happy. People who love Swamiji do not want to listen to such words. I know. There could be one reason. It is just to intimidate and get the task completed by you. It is like mother saying, I won’t give you food if you don’t do this. The child takes it seriously and completes the work. Even if it is not done and the child sleeps, mother wakes up the child in the mid night and gives the food. There are no words to describe this love. Just because mother scolded you, you should not keep quite. You have to make all your efforts to complete the task. Swamij’s words also are similar to that. It is Like blackmailing you. If I say complete this much count of Hanuman chalisa when I’m still here, my intention is to make you do it quickly. In this process such words might come out but they are not true. If I say something you feel bad. If I go without saying anything also, you feel bad. So, keep one thing in your mind. Just follow what ever Swamiji asked you to do and leave these words. Like how Swamiji has the right to say such words, you too have the right to feel that your sankalpa is strong and Swamiji will be with you till you live. Keep thinking this way. Like how father tells his son to complete his graduation before father retires, Swamiji also uses the same technique to make you do things. Some parents say, you must get married in front of my eyes. This doesn’t mean they will die soon. The intention is that it should happen immediately. It is a kind of blackmail out of love towards you. Ok, I will not say so here after. I will be careful. Even if I say so by mistake, someone remind me that I promised not to speak such words. Many people had this question in mind. Even Bala Swamiji also said this once. He said, you scold us anything, call us as donkey or anything, but please dont speak such words even for fun. We cannot hear them – He said. Ok, leave it. I will not say so hereafter.
Sri Datta Vijayananda Teertha Swamiji speaks
This is a good question and more than that, it is not an answer that Appaji gave. It is the greatest grace on us. Speaking such words is a kind of torture for us from Appaji. This started from 60th birthday. In the Garuda Mantapa, it started that day. It is continuing since then. Many times, I requested Appaji not to say this. To get things done by us, Appaji has many techniques and I feel this is the greatest technique He used. Appaji said blackmail but it is not the right word to use. It is a technique. Like how we show chocolate and make children do, this is also similar. But this is not a chocolate. This is chaku – knife. So, pls dont use this technique Appaji.
First time, I heard such words from Appaji very severely in Vijayawada during the construction of Marakata Raja Rajeswari temple. All trustees assembled. It is a huge project. It has to be done by kings and not ordinary people. All of you must have seen the temple there. The entire temple is a stone construction. The foundation has to be very strong. Lot of efforts are required. Expensive too. The sculptor also has great work. It was little disturbed. During that time, Shiva Narayana had fallen down from 20 feet height. He needed rest. Nothing happened to him by Appaji’s grace. During this time, the work was haulted. Appaji visited that place then. It was dusty all around. It was during that time, Appaji said – do it while I’m still here. I will see it and will feel happy. I felt very sad for these words from Appaji. During the prathishta in 2004 also He said the same. I requested Appaji not to speak so. Then Appaji said to me, if I don’t say so, will this project be completed ? Then I understood. In order to make us do things, Appaji uses this word. This is a kind of treatment from Appaji. After that, it did not stop. Like a flow of arrows, it was hitting everyone at all times. Many constructions took place after that and many projects were completed. Yet it continued. So we have written a bhajan – Veyyellu velagali mee velugu maa koraku and felt happy. Because, howmuch ever we pleaded, Appaji did not stop this. That is His technique.Then, what should we do ? 60th birthday is completed. How would 70th birthday will be ? How will 75th birthday would be ? How grand would be 80th birthday ? How many devotees would come ? Where all Datta Peetam will become famous ? How many new devotees will come to know about Appaji ? How will be 80th Birthday ? How will be 85th ? 90th ? 95th ? And then how will be 100th birthday ? I started thinking this way. Like how Appaji gives treatment, He has given a medicine also in the similar way. He told us today. Keep thinking in mind – Nothing will happen. With this, you will have courage and you will be happy. Because, Appaji is repeatedly saying the same words and not stopping. What to do ? Please do not say such words Appaji. Howmuch ever techniques we follow, by listening to such words, we feel scared and sad. At the same time, we also feel Appaji is Anjaneya and Anjaneya is vajranga – strong bodied. He is Bajrang Bali. Appaji also is vajranga and bajrang bali. Thinking so, all that we do, every hanuman mantra, every anushtana, every parayana, every Hanuman chalisa, offer it to Appaji in your mind for His good health. This is a true gift that you offer to Sadguru. Try to practice this. Then, this fear and sorrow will decrease and Appaji also will be very happy and will be celebrating His 80th, 90th and 100th birthday also amidst us.
Jaya Guru Datta !